Natasha Kaplinsky said, “After five incredibly rewarding years at the BBC, I found the chance to work with the team at Five too exciting to pass up.”

Over the years she has attracted some criticism, mostly unfounded, and has been excellent on shows such as Strictly Come Dancing and Children In Need. She has a natural relaxed manner but her good looks seem to upset so called serious news people. She’s a bright woman though and gained an English degree at Oxford.

The Five News editor got it right when he said, “She is a great communicator and has a really distinctive style that sets her apart.”

I’m sure Five News will get value for their money.

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Lately Katie Holmes has been looking like a sad 40-year-old woman, so it’s nice to see her looking not only decent but kind of hot. Sure, crazy old Tom probably has her all drugged up so she obeys his every command. And maybe, because of that and a loveless sham marriage, Katie Holmes is dead inside. But at least she’s looking good which is all that really matters, right? I know, ladies, you’re overcome by my sensitivity. What can I say? I’ve got a heart that’s almost as big as these biceps. Go ahead, touch them. They won’t bite. Much.

Scope out English model/actress Gemma Atkinson in her crazy hot 2008 calendar. I don’t really have any idea who she is, but Gemma has dreams of being an R&B/soul singer and will soon be moving stateside to Nashville. Also, just thought I’d mention she’s recently single. News of the World reports:

Our Gem’s now single after splitting with Man United star Ronaldo in July.
A close pal revealed: “Gemma’s started dating again and is loving it. She’s met up with a number of guys so far and had a great time.”

Note to Self: Move to Nashville. Seek out Gemma Atkinson. (If you’re unable to spot her, go home and cry in the bathtub while questioning your sexuality.) Introduce yourself as a record producer. (A cowboy hat will add authenticity to this claim and make you look like Chuck Norris. Pure win/win situation.) Gain Gemma’s confidence. (Buy her a coffee maker. Or an oven mitt. Whatever the chicks are into these days.) Touch boobies. (If unsuccessful, I hear suicide is fun too.) End note.

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are taking their relationship public after months of rumors. After promoting their new film “Rendition,” Jake and Reese took off to Rome for a romantic getaway. The two were spotted holding hands and “canoodling” with each other. The Daily Mail reports:

Witherspoon, 31, whose divorce from former husband Ryan Phillippe was finalised this month, had previously denied a romance with the Brokeback Mountain star.
The pair first began dating around March this year, although they were careful to avoid being photographed together. However, Reese, who has two children Ava, 8, and Deacon, 3, called the romance off in June, according to reports.
Now it’s clear their love affair is most definitely back on.

I don’t want to say this is the least interesting post I’ve ever written, but I’m currently in a coma. I’m dictating my thoughts by blinking in Morse code to a chimp with a typewriter. Dash. Dash. What the hell is canoodling? Dash. Dot. At least Jake’s not dating Kirsten Dunst. Dot. Dot. Dash. She’s a freaking vampire. Dash. Although Reese Witherspoon’s chin could cleave a watermelon. Dot. Dot. Dot. Make this funny. Dash. Dash. Dot. Talk about bananas and I’ll sell you to NASA. Dot. Dot. No, wait, don’t type that. Dot. These people will go all Ellen DeGeneres on me. Dash. Dash. Dash. Are you typing all this? Dot. Dot. Dammit.

After watching the trailer for Paris Hilton’s new film, one thing is blatantly obvious. This shiz is an instant camp classic!

It’s sooooo bad. But in a really good way.

REPO! The Genetic Opera is like Phantom on crack - and it even stars Sarah Brightman.

They must have paid her in cookies and coke!

In addition to Paris and the original Christine, the film also stars Paul Sorvino, Billy Moseley, Alexa Vega and Anthony Head.

It is soooo wonderfully bad. We’ve watched the trailer like five times already. We love it!

Click here to check it out.

Carrie Underwood’s sophomore CD was released on Tuesday of this week.

Based on first day sales and projections, she is headed for a #1 debut and could sell up to 450,000 in week one, PerezHilton.com has learned.

Wow! Talk about hitting a home run!

By comparison, Kelly Clarkson’s latest CD, My December, sold 291,000 copies in its first week and then took a nosedive.

Underwood’s radio-friendly disk is expected to “have legs,” as they say in the music industry for albums with longevity.

Congrats!

[Image via WENN.]

What star has this amazing rack?

CLICK HERE to find out!

They really are absolutely perfect.

[Image via WENN.]

Making perfect even more perfect!

Pregnancy has definitely enhanced Halle Berry’s package. The mom-to-be showed off her girls at the London premiere on Wednesday night of her new film, Things We Lost In The Fire.

Though she hasn’t announced her pregnancy publicly, Christina Aguilera is celebrating her happy news privately.

The Dirrty mommy-to-be had a baby shower with friends and family in Los Angeles on October 20th.

She’s also reportedly already picked out a name for her child.

An insider tells In Touch Weekly that Christina wants to name the baby after her husband, music biz exec Jordan Bratman. “She rubs her baby bump and talks to the baby, calling it Jordy,” says the insider.

J. Lo’s probably having her shower this weekend!

[Image via WENN.]

We’re honestly amazed that Tom & Katie have lasted this long! Aren’t U?

As time goes on, they seem to be getting a tad more normal. And by “normal” we mean we don’t think their relationship is a total sham. Just mostly!

Tom seems to be a lot more comfortable in his skin these days. He showed up to the premiere of Lions for Lambs in Berlin on Wednesday wearing sensible flats. Katie wore heels.

The new and improved TomKat!

We say they’re divorced by year’s end!

[Image via WENN.]

Not only is Natalie Portman trying to help the poor people of this world, but she’s also trying to help the animals.

The classy actress has filmed a new documentary for Animal Planet with Tonight Show regular Jack Hannah.

Saving a Species: Gorillas on the Brink premiere later this week.

“Actress Natalie Portman journeys deep into Rwanda’s rainforest in search of the rare mountain gorilla. World renowned animal expert Jack Hanna guides Natalie’s on her trek to learn more about this amazing endangered species.”

Celebrities doing good. It makes us happy!

[Image via WENN.]

Do U know what you’re doing for New Year’s Eve yet?

Our plans are still up in the air, but we do know what Lindsay Lohan will be doing. The recently released from rehab actress is going to host a big bash at LAX in Vegas, according to Us Weekly.

And she’s not happy about it!

“Lindsay doesn’t necessarily want to host, but she’s contractually obligated,” a source says.

Lohan agreed to do the gig in order to pay back the “hundreds of thousands of dollars” she got by agreeing to host her 21st birthday at PURE Nightclub (which, like LAX, is owned by Pure Management Group).

That bash never happened, as we all know. Instead, a third trip to rehab was in the works for our freckled troublemaker.

Now, LL is in need of cash and owing some big bucks.

“She already took the money from the birthday gig and can’t afford to pay them back,” says Us.

When is Lindsay coming out with her fragrance? And her clothing line?

Girlfriend needs money. She needs money FAST!

There once was a time when Lance Bass pretended to be straight. He even had a few D-list beards back in the day, like Topanga from Boy Meets World.

Tyra Banks had Princess Frostylocks on her show yesterday and Danielle Fishel tells the brilliant interviewer that is Tyty whether she and Lance ever “copulated” or “did the nasty.”

Pure comedy!

Click here to check it out.

Jessica Simpson will co-host The View while Elisabeth Hasslebeck is on maternity leave, according to ET Online:

JESSICA SIMPSON is set to sit in with the ladies of “The View” this November when she spends two days as a guest host. The actress and singer will guest-host on the ABC daytime talker on November 15 and 16.

I understand that part of The View’s appeal is that a cute, ditzy blonde is one of the hosts. That’s just smart television. But, Jessica Simpson? Don’t you think that’s a tad overboard? Poor Barbara Walters is probably spinning in her grave.

Edit: Turns out Barbara Walters is still alive. So, what? She can’t spin in a grave? Why? Because she’s a woman? Geez, sexist much?

For years Melanie C. was reluctant to being involved in a Spice Girls reunion, publicly proclaiming that she’d never do it.

Well, now she is doing it.

What changed her mind?

The Girls approached her and told her they all wanted to do it and were gonna do it with or without her.

Melanie C. tells the U.K.’s Closer magazine:

“The girls approached me and said they were getting together to do a world tour, a greatest hits album and a big goodbye, and I was like: ‘Oh, no.’ It was the last thing I wanted to hear. All four of them had spoken about it and it was set in stone. They basically said if I wanted to do it great but if I didn’t want to do it then they were going to do it anyway. I’d always said I’d never do it. But I didn’t want to miss out and have regrets. I also didn’t want to be the person that stopped it being the complete five. I was scared I’d be the villain. The depression and everything else was in my thoughts during the decision process of whether to do the tour. It took me a long time to decide because it was something I never ever wanted to do. It was hard, so I didn’t say yes immediately. I changed my mind every day, it was difficult. I’ve been on the straight and narrow for four years. But I had to be sensible and evaluate what I wanted to do. And I want this reunion. I’m happy with my body. I’ve reached a good place. I’m healthy but I like Guinness and crisps. Life’s too short to worry about weight.”

And we’re happy for the reunion too!

CLICK HERE to read the full interview with Closer.

[Image via WENN.]

She made her mark as the sporty one in the band, but Mel C should perhaps be known as Reluctant Spice. In an exclusive interview, the singer has confided that she didn’t want to take part in the reunion tour, and that she was afraid a return to the limelight would spark her old eating disorders. But in the end she reveals she didn’t have a choice as the girls had already made up their minds.
Mel, 33, says: “The girls approached me and said they were getting together to do a world tour, a greatest hits album and a big goodbye, and I was like: ‘Oh no.’ It was the last thing I wanted to hear.”
But Mel says the other Spices had already made a decision to go ahead with or without her.
“All four of them had spoken about it and it was set in stone,” she says. “They basically said if I wanted to do it great, but if I didn’t want to do it then they were going to do it anyway. So I was like: ‘Wow, what do I do?’
“I’d always said I’d never do it. But I didn’t want to miss out and have regrets. I also didn’t want to be the person that stopped
it being the complete five – I was scared I’d be the villain. It was hard, so I didn’t say yes immediately. I changed my mind every day – it was difficult.”
Mel admits that her indecision was, in part, down to the anorexia and severe depression she suffered at the height of the Spice Girls’ fame. Her weight dropped to under 8st and she was a size 6 – tiny for her 5ft 6 frame.
She said later: “Throughout the Spice Girls’ heyday, my diet became more and more restricted, until I was just eating fruit and veg. I went on faddy diets and didn’t touch protein or carbohydrates, which was ridiculous, as we were running around like maniacs. I was underweight and living on adrenaline. That screws up your body and I believe it had a lot to do with bringing on my depression.”
It was the memory of those dark times that made Mel stall on the reunion.
She reveals: “The depression and everything else was in my thoughts during the decision process of whether to do the tour. It took me a long time to decide because it was something I never ever wanted to do.
“I’ve been on the straight and narrow
for four years. But I had to be sensible
and evaluate what I wanted to do. And
I want this reunion.”
There’s little doubt Mel’s success in beating her body demons has helped
her make her choice. She now weighs
a healthier 91⁄2-10st.
“I’m happy with my body,” she says. “I’ve reached a good place. I’m healthy, but I like Guinness and crisps. Life’s too short to worry about weight.”
But while the other girls in the band, Geri Halliwell, 35, Emma Bunton, 31, Melanie Brown, 32, and Victoria Beckham, 33, seem more open to the possibility of further Spice projects – Melanie is firmly drawing the line at the two-month tour. She insists that as soon as it’s over, she’ll return to her solo work – she’s about to launch her solo single, This Time.
“I will absolutely be returning to my solo projects when the Spice Girls are over in February,” she says. “I’m obviously hoping that the Spice Girls helps with rejuvenating my solo projects, but I’m doing this tour to enjoy it.”
And while we’re used to seeing the other four Spices parading for the paparazzi, or doing TV shows, Mel seems unamused at the thought of losing her privacy. She’s particularly amazed at how the Beckhams cope with being in the spotlight.
“Everyone scrutinises Victoria’s life in every way,” she says. “I find it insane how she and David have ended up in this mad and crazy world of celebrity. It’s bonkers! Obviously they’ve used the press to their advantage, but I do think that quite often
it goes too far. Victoria and Mel B are under a lot of pressure, but they’re amazing at taking everything in their stride.
“It would do my head in if people wrote things about me and followed me everywhere. Well, it did do my head in back in the days when people gave a shit about me. I don’t want the spotlight on me like that ever again. I like my privacy.”
Victoria, Mel B, Emma and Geri are all said to be taking their families along on the Spice tour. But Mel, who is the only member of the band not to have had a baby, admits she’s relieved her own entourage won’t include children and nannies.
She giggles: “Personally I’m very happy not having a child on tour with me! I’m really excited about hanging out and playing with the other girls’ kids, but I love the fact I can go, ‘Night!’ then hand them back and go out.
“Travelling around the world and
living out of a suitcase is no place for
a baby. I feel that if I’m lucky enough
to be blessed with a kid, then I’d want to be a regular mum. I’d want to be at home, taking them to school and being there full-time.
I wouldn’t want to be travelling all over
the world with them strapped to my back. I’m not criticising anyone else. That’s just how I’d want to do it.”
And while she’s been dating quantity surveyor Thomas Starr, 37, for five years, she says she isn’t broody yet.
“I’ve always concentrated on my career – it’s a very selfish job being a musician,” she says. “Tom and I have spoken about it. But like a lot of people, the timing has never been right. I may never get the right time – but if I want to do it then I’ll have to learn to make it my priority. Because of my age, I’m thinking maybe I ought to get cracking soon!”
Six years have passed since the Spice Girls last performed together. Now that they’re older, Mel admits she’ll be feeling nervous about performing some of the group’s cheesier hits.
“Of course I will,” she says, erupting into laughter. “The thought of singing Wannabe makes me cringe. But I know I’ll love doing it once we get going.”
But while the girls may be more mature, Mel does intend to do a few of her old
party tricks.
“I’m hoping to add the back-flip to my repertoire,” she says. “I haven’t done it since I did my knee in a few years ago – but I’m hoping I can do it again.
“Victoria’s been very focused on the clothes and has been integral in organising that side of things. But, for the record, I won’t be wearing a crop top again. Crop tops stop when you reach 25!”
And Mel would like to quash a couple of other rumours, starting with the whispers that the girls are each expecting
a £10million pay cheque from the tour.
“Bollocks are we earning £10million each,” says Mel. “It’s crap! Hopefully we’ll earn a few quid and I can get a new bathroom, but this isn’t about money.”
She’s equally keen to point out that the group aren’t at loggerheads. Geri was
said to have fallen out with the rest of
the band when she left in 1998, and more recently she’s said to have argued with Victoria over whether the tour should include singing solo.
Mel says: “There’s no animosity with Geri, we’re all grown-ups now.
“She’s so happy with her daughter Bluebell – I go round and hang out in
her back garden and we get on great.”
Mel’s also been in regular contact with
Mel B and Emma, who gave birth to baby
son Beau just two months ago.
“She’s looking incredible,” she says. “You wouldn’t even know she’d just had a baby. I think because she was in such amazing shape when she got pregnant she was able to stay fit. It’s like she’s been a mum for years. I’m sure she’s nervous about taking Beau on tour though, because he’ll only be three months old.
“Melanie’s great too and I’ve met her husband Stephen and he seems lovely. She’ll be in the best shape ever when we start the tour after competing in Dancing With The Stars.”
The tour kicks off on 2 December and
the Spice Girls are releasing their new single Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)
as the official BBC Children In Need song.
And Mel refuses to be intimidated by competition.
“We’re not trying to be chart-toppers again,” she says. “The Spice Girls have nothing to prove. We’ve had our moment – this is just the final bow.”
By Dean Piper
dean.piper@emap.com
Mel C’s new solo single This Time, and
an album of the same name, are available for download and in the shops now. For more information, log on to www.melaniec.net

“My friends are all 22 or 24. I hang out in Camden at this bar Amy Winehouse hangs out in. I’m like a teenager and loving every minute of it. I could have given it up for a happy marriage, but I’d rather go for a drink, go dancing in Camden, listen to the Kaiser Chiefs.”

- Former Mr. Liza Minnelli, David Gest

Mariah Carey launched her new perfume “M by Mariah Carey” at Macy’s in New York yesterday. She also stood next to a vase and showcased her healthy bosom. I’m sold. Order me 100 bottles. I don’t care if it smells like the sensual Living Tahitian Tiare flower. She had me at boobs. Will you accept a check?

Britney Spears managed to regain visitation rights with her kids over the weekend by finally cooperating with the court-appointed parenting coach. And, surprise, things went to shit. Apparently on Monday the coach filed a “damaging report” to the judge and once again Britney’s ability to see her kids is in jeopardy, according to an Us Weekly source:

The paperwork, filed under seal to LA Superior Court, claims that “[Spears, 25] paid her [monitor] no attention or respect at all, as if she were some employee whom she could blow off,” the source says.
“Britney’s often distracted and in her own world when she has the kids [Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1] and has a hard time focusing,” the insider adds. “She is adamant that she doesn’t have to listen to anybody — that it’s her way or the highway.”

The coach is requesting that any further visits must occur in her office:

“She doesn’t want all the distractions, whether it’s the paparazzi or whatever else is going on. Britney needs to focus on improving her parenting skills and prove that she really wants these kids.”

Put whipped cream and caramel sauce on the kid’s heads. Make them look like little, walking Frappucinos. Britney will give them her undivided attention. Some may call my methods unorthodox, but, I advise you to consider that I’m not a child psychologist. I’m just a simple man that likes to uppercut Mack trucks into the air. If that doesn’t qualify me to tell someone how to raise their kids, then I don’t know what does.

David Copperfield’s Las Vegas warehouse was raided last week by the FBI. A computer hard drive and digital camera equipment were confiscated. While the reasons for the raid weren’t immediately disclosed, it appears a Seattle woman is claiming the magician raped her in the Bahamas. The seized camera equipment may provide a clue, according to TMZ:

Sources now tell TMZ Copperfield designed part of his show around “a system for picking up women.” During his show, David goes into the audience and chooses women to come on stage. We’re told that if David likes a girl, he’ll use code words with assistants like “mama” and “secrecy.” The assistants mark the women on a map of the inside of the Hollywood Theater at MGM Grand. After the show, the women are brought backstage — and that’s where the profiling begins.

The women are told that David may use them in his show when he comes to their hometown. They are then photographed with a digital camera, asked questions like, “What is your favorite men’s cologne?” and “Where do you like to vacation?” We’re told one of those vacation spots mentioned by staff is the Bahamas, where the accuser claims she was assaulted. Copperfield owns a cluster of islands in the Bahamas — which he bought for $50 million.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but David Copperfield could learn a thing or two from Criss Angel. Granted, Criss looks like a retarded Mr. T from Long Island, but at least he picks up chicks the honest way. No elaborate interviews and secret codes nonsense. He just finds celebrities that are suffering from drug and/or alcohol addiction, milks them for free press and then bangs them. You don’t get much more pure and innocent than that. Bravo, Criss Angel. Go buy yourself another necklace. You earned it.

Tom Brady enjoyed a day off yesterday with his girlfriend, model Gisele Bundchen. Gisele pulled out all the stops for Tom and wasn’t afraid to show off her modeling skills: Cooling herself down with a wet towel – seductively. Adjusting her bathing suit – seductively. And, of course, pretending to enjoy food – seductively. I think. Cringing your man-face at the sight of a fork is the new hot for female models, right? Okay, cool, just checking.

Gwen Stefani really knows how to stay in shape. I mean, she looks like she could hold her own in a fight. If there was a battle between Gwen Stefani, The Terminator and myself, I’d totally win. How, you ask? I’d let Gwen wear herself out pummeling the cyborg. Meanwhile, I’d be flexing on top of a tank and smoking a cigar. You know, just my usual Tuesday routine. Nothing to write home about.

Criss Angel at one point was romantically linked to Britney Spears. He was also supposed to have a hand in her comeback VMA performance, but, after some last minute changes, Criss’ magic was noticeably absent and what ensued has left a permanent scar on my retina. Finally, just one day before the premiere of his new show, Criss Angel opened up to Ok! Magazine about what went wrong:

“We were supposed to do a creation of stuff that we worked on and it took a lot of dedication and work to do the things that we wanted to do,” Criss, on the set of his new NBC series Phenomenon, recalls exclusively to OK! about Britney’s planned VMA performance. “Unfortunately for me, she didn’t really want to put forth that type of effort.”

“Basically I said, ‘Don’t worry about me. Do what you want to do. This is a big opportunity for you to do the VMAs, so if you don’t feel it, go with something else.’ And she chose to go with something else.”

If Criss Angel were a real man, he would’ve tackled Britney after the first half-drunk dance step. But he was probably too busy changing his wardrobe for the fifth time. It takes a lot of work to look like a douchebag who spent his life-savings at Hot Topic. Plus Criss also has to decide whether to wear his monogrammed baseball hat or show off his highlights. Which is understandable. You don’t want to look too retarded all at once. You need to spread the douche-iness out over the course of a day.

David Beckham’s soccer season ended on Sunday. He’s been pretty bummed that he hasn’t been able to play due to an injury. So guess who wants to cheer David up? His old buddy Tom Cruise. People reports:

“We will go out and fly some airplanes or race some cars or something like that,” Cruise told BBC Radio 5 Live as he hit the red carpet for the London Film Festival premiere of his new flick, Lions for Lambs, which opens Nov. 9.
Cruise, 45, admitted that any thrilling exploits would first have to get the go-ahead from Beckham’s wife.
“I’ll talk to Victoria and see if she’s all right with that. But we’ll have some fun.”

Tom’s got but nothing for love for David. Pure heterosexual love. I think:

“I know what a competitor he is and I have great admiration for him as an athlete, as a father, and as a husband,” he said. “The guy works so hard – I know personally how dedicated this guy is, and how committed.”

Nothing out of the ordinary here. Just two guys hanging out. Sure, maybe one’s a world-famous actor and the other’s a huge soccer star. And, yeah, maybe one of them wants to have butt sex at 30,000 feet. But, all that aside, it’s just two regular Joes racing cars and flying expensive jets – while possibly naked.

Kim Kardashian will sue Vivid Entertainment if they release another sex tape that continues her escapades with Ray J. The only way you’re going to see more of Kim is in the December issue of Playboy, according to FOX News:

However, the voluptuous vixen is now actually getting paid to strip. Kim will appear in the upcoming edition of Playboy, but Pop Tarts has heard that no nether regions will be revealed in the 12-page spread.
“I’m really happy with how the pictures turned out,” she told Pop Tarts. “It looks really classy and professional.”

I believe my penis and I will be the judges of what is classy and professional, Kim. You stick to what you do best: Showing off that superhuman butt of yours. In fact, if you could just not talk, or do anything but shake your monster ass, I think America, nay, the world, would be a better place. Shh! Less talking, more jiggling. There you go. I can almost feel the world peace. Oh, wait, it’s my wiener. My bad! I always get those two confused.

NOTE: I’m reposting the pics from her birthday because, well, they’re awesome.

Old friends and former employees of Britney Spears have created a MySpace page urging fans to not buy Britney’s new album Blackout – until she gets better. The site Be Proactive to Help was organized by several of Britney’s friends along with a former bodyguard, backup dancer and make-up artist. E! Online reports:

“We’ve all hung out with Britney a lot,” says our source. “We’ve seen her at her best and at her worst. And we aren’t doing this to be mean. We’re doing this out of concern, for herself and for her boys. They need a mother figure and right now, they don’t have that.”

The organizers are putting the blame on Britney’s handlers for capitalizing on her media attention:

The group accuses record executives and other business associates who make money off of Spears as acting as enablers, turning a blind eye to her erratic behavior because she continues to make them money.
“They can see she’s in pain, and they don’t care.”

I’m one step ahead of these guys. I have absolutely no intention of buying Britney Spears’ new album. I’m amazing, aren’t I? I’m like a shining beacon of the human spirit. They should make a Hallmark movie about my life. You know who’d be perfect to play me? Optimus Prime – but with a moustache.

Halle Berry made a joke Friday on The Tonight Show that some are calling anti-Semitic. Halle was promoting her new movie “Things We Lost in The Fire” and was using her laptop to show Jay distorted pictures of herself. Sounds like comedy gold to me. What could possibly go wrong? Page Six reports:

According to one audience member, “She introduced the first photo by saying, ‘Here’s where I look like my Jewish cousin!’ - it was a picture of her with a huge, distorted nose. No one laughed, and Jay nervously said, ‘I’m glad you said that and not me.’ When the show aired, they cut out her ‘Jewish’ comment and added a laugh track to the bit.”

A very tearful Halle Berry contacted Page Six to set the record straight:

“I so didn’t mean to offend anybody - and after the show I realized it could be seen as offensive, so I asked Jay to take it out, and he did.What happened was I was backstage before the show and I have three girls who are Jewish who work for me. We were going through pictures to see which ones looked silly, and one of my Jewish friends said [of the big-nose picture], ‘That could be your Jewish cousin!’ And I guess it was fresh in my mind, and it just came out of my mouth. But I didn’t mean to offend anybody. I didn’t. I didn’t mean any harm.

So Halle Berry makes an anti-Semitic joke and who does she blame? The Jews. I believe it’s time to hire a new publicist. You know, one that isn’t Hitler. In the meantime, somewhere, somehow, Mel Gibson has a giant boner.

James Lipton, host of Inside the Actor’s Studio, spent his early years working as a pimp in Paris. James has interviewed the top actors of our time for the past 13 years and is revealing the details of his life in a new book. ABC News reports:

“This was when I was very very young, living in Paris, penniless, unable to get any kind of working permit… I had a friend who worked in what is called the Milieu, which is that world and she suggested to me one night, `Look, you’ll be my mec… We would translate it perhaps… as pimp. We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say.”

James also set up sex shows in hotel rooms for American tourists:

“I had to accompany my clientelle to the Rue Pigalle, which is where these things occurred. And then I’d take them up to the room and I had to remain there because they were very nervous, they were young Americans for the most part… and they didn’t speak French.”

James Lipton and I are a lot alike if you think about it. We’re just two pioneers trying to help others look at girl’s sexy parts. I mean, sure that’s our only similarity because I’ve never been to France. And maybe I’m not the dean of a distinguished acting school. Also I’ve never interviewed Al Pacino or Harrison Ford. Okay, maybe I’m just a guy in his boxers surrounded by whiskey bottles and Legos. But, if that’s not exactly like James Lipton, then clearly I have no idea who the hell he is. He was in Star Wars, right?

We have been following the Sarah Larson story since the news first broke in early September. See all of the posts listed below that tell the full story, with photos, since we broke the news of Sarah’s Go Go Girl connection.

Sept 5 Exclusive: Was Sarah Larson A Go Go Dancer
Sept 7 More Information About Sarah Larson
Sept 8 Exclusive: Sara Larson’s Ex Boyfriend Contacts Celebrity Insider
Sept 9 Photos Of Sarah Larson before She Met George Clooney
Sept 22 George Clooney And Sarah Larson In Accident
Sept 25 Sarah Larson On Crutches

So apparently today is Britney Spears Day or something. What, you didn’t know? Anyways, the uncensored version of Britney Spears’ Gimme More video has made its way online and features scenes left out of the final cut, including multiple shots of her topless wearing nothing but pasties. The quality is pretty terrible, but think about what you’re complaining about. Like really think about it. Why not just ask me to rub this porcupine in your eyes?

Check out the LSFW video after the jump. The good stuff doesn’t begin until about two minutes in.

An insider tells Life & Style that Britney Spears beat Kevin Federline “several times during their marriage,” and that’s why K-Fed asked the judge to order her not to use corporal punishment on Sean and Jayden. A source from Britney’s camp denies the rumor, saying:

“This is just another attempt to make Britney look like a bad mom.”

Has the guy from Britney’s camp been asleep for the past two years? Attempting to make Britney look like a bad mom is like trying to prove that Hitler was kind of a dick. Your entire case could be to just point at them and shrug. Besides, beating Kevin Federline is probably the most responsible thing Britney’s done in her entire life.

I wouldn’t exactly call this shocking news, but it appears Britney Spears cares more about her Yorkie London then her own children. Britney lost her cool at a Mexican restaurant when she wasn’t allowed to eat there with London in her lap. Ok! Magazine has the details:

“It set her off into hysterics,” the source tells OK! about the scene at the Marina del Rey, Calif., eatery. And a friend of Brit adds, “She cares more about London than her boys! She’ll let anyone hold Preston and Jayden, but has to really trust you for you to even touch London.”

The friend also reveals to OK! that, “If one of the boys is crying and London is barking, she’ll pick up London while the nanny calms the babies.”

Britney seems to love a lot of things more than her kids these days. I’m just waiting to read a story about her trading Sean for an extra packet of hot sauce at Taco Bell. But, c’mon, she can’t be that bad. There has to be something Britney loves less than her kids. Besides wearing clothes, long drive-thru lines and stupid judges that make her pee in a cup. What about that guy who gave her the small slice at Pizza Hut? I hear she jumped over the counter and tried to stab him in the face with a fork.

Kiefer Sutherland will serve 48 days in jail because of his DUI arrest a few weeks ago. He must immediately serve the first 18 days, which are for his probation violation, after he is sentenced. He has until July to serve the remaining 30 days. Kiefer pleaded “no contest” to the charges in part of a deal with prosecutors. E! Online reports:

In exchange for copping to a count of driving with a blood-alcohol level above 0.08 percent, prosecutors agreed to drop a second misdemeanor charge of driving under the influence, Los Angeles City Attorney’s Office spokesman Frank Mateljan told E! Online. Sutherland, 40, won’t be formally sentenced until Dec. 21.

Many wonder how this will affect his work on 24, but FOX is standing behind their lead man and issued the following statement:

Today our friend Kiefer Sutherland resolved his criminal case at the earliest opportunity. Kiefer made clear to us at the time of his arrest that his first concern was the welfare of those he worked with and that he intended to do whatever was necessary to prevent shutting down the show because of his situation. He told us that even if he had to sacrifice more time in custody in order to protect the show and the jobs of those who work with him, he would do so. From what occurred today, it is evident he is a man of his word. We wish him well and look forward to a long relationship with him.

It’s too bad Kiefer Sutherland isn’t the star of that other FOX show Prison Break. Ha! See what I did there? Because he’s going to prison. And then he could break out. And both shows are on FOX. Get it? Yeah? No? I hate you! *runs away sobbing and slams the door*

Britney Spears new album “Blackout” will be hitting shelves early. Originally scheduled to be released November 12, the album will be in stores October 29. I’m marking my calendar right now. I can’t wait to get my copy and, you know, go deaf. The Sun reports:

An unofficial source at her label told me: “The demand for Britney’s new album has taken everyone by surprise. People are desperate to get their hands on it.

“Executives at the label decided to give people what they want, so they opted to get it on the shelves as soon as they possibly could.”

I can’t go anywhere without hearing that Britney’s album is actually really good. Well, no shit. She didn’t even make it. They brought her in for one day at the studio, slapped a Frappucino in one hand, a Chalupa in the other, and told her to say anything into the mic. Just random words, it doesn’t matter. The entire album was already in the can. And, of course, what words came out? “Gimme More.” I mean, how dare they bring her a measly Grande Frappucino? Britney Spears gets at least a bucket of Frap, or she walks.